100 Things I Did to Annoy Germany
by Purfessorkitty
Summary: "The violet eyed nation looked down at the notebook in his hands. It was formally known as a little book he'd write in if he were mad, sad, happy, or just wanted to remember something like a whimsical memory, or a funny experience." Hmm... What could Russia possibly want to write about? Well, the title says all.


**100 Things I Did to Annoy Germany**

* * *

The violet eyed nation looked down at the notebook in his hands. It was formally known as a little book he'd write in if he were mad, sad, happy, or just wanted to remember something like a whimsical memory, or a funny experience. Or just a couple things to remember how to keep away from Belarus.

But now, he had no clue what to write. Sometimes, he'd draw in it, too. But he didn't feel like drawing. He hardly ever did.

No one knew that he of all people had a journal. Or what others prefer to call it, a "diary". He liked the term journal better. It wasn't so girlish.

He thought about a couple things that he'd done in the past. Scaring people, annoying them, etc, etc.

Maybe he could write a list down about a bunch of things he did to really get on someone's nerves. But who...?

Germany. Definitely Germany.

He always gets really mad at everything. It makes Russia laugh when he sees his enraged face.

He's not the only one who annoys him to death. Italy is a nuisance to him, too. So is Prussia, America, Britain...

Typically everyone.

He began to number the paper one to a hundred. This would be fun to write.

.

.

.

**X/XX/XX**

**Dear Journal, **

**since that I have not had any ideas of what to be writing, I decided to write a list on the many times I've made a particular person mad at me. **

**A hundred times. **

**(=^ J ^=)b**

**1. I once called him Doitsu, which is what Italy or Japan briefly call him. He decided to give me an entire speech of why not to call him "Doitsu". **

**2. I ate his wurst once. He got REALLY mad about that. I don't really know who gets so mad at something like that. **

**3. One time, I dyed his hair white when he'd fallen asleep trying to finish his paperwork in the meeting room. He looked a lot like Prussia when I ruffled his hair. He woke up right after, though. Do you know how much rug-burn hurts? **

**4. I lied to him and told him that I loved him. All he said back was, "Ja, that's nice." **

**5. I asked him if he loved me. He started flipping out and yelling at me so much, that his face turned red. Or was it like that before? **

**6. I poked him. Specifically, I poked him thirty times. Even more specifically, I poked him thirty and a half times. He stopped me before poking him again. He threatened that he would break off my finger. **

**7. So I poked him again. **

**8. I called him Tsun-Tsun, which made him look at me like I was stupid, so I guess he didn't know what it meant. I do, though. ^ J ^ Spasibo, Japan!**

**9. Every time I giggle or laugh he tells me to shut up.**

**10. I wrapped my scarf around his neck. I guess he noticed it because when he stood up, he yanked it off my own neck and took it with him. I guess he appreciated the offer, but he was pretty mean about it. **

**11. I kissed him. **

**OK, it's not what you're thinking. It's how I greet people in my own country. **

**I think he was paralyzed afterwards. His face looked really funny. I couldn't tell if he was scared to death or happy. **

**12. I accidentally called him Prussia. **

**13. I secretly nicknamed him Mr. Grumpypants. He really hates that name. **

**14. I took his German cross necklace. Let's just say that somehow it ended up in a tree miles from here. **

**15. When he walked into the meeting room I threw a bowl of snow at him. **

**16. When he walked into the meeting room I threw Gilbird at him. **

**17. When he walked into the meeting room I somehow managed to throw Italy at him. **

**18. I asked if he'd become one with me. He asked me if I knew what sex meant. I asked him what that had to do with the subject. He's never said anything about it since. Germany has a really perverted mind. **

**19. When he walked into the meeting room wearing something besides his usual attire, I said he looked handsome. He said that I looked more chubby than usual. **

**20. I called him the big fat meanie. **

**21. I called him Hassleholf.**

**22. I called him Hercules.**

**23. I touched Italy's curl. I didn't really know what the bad thing about touching their curls was, but I soon figured out when Germany tried to rub my neck. **

**It was a very uncomfortable experience, and I don't ever want to talk about it ever again. **

**24. When he was yelling at me once, I spat in his face. He tried to strangle me afterward. **

**25. I forgot how to count. He said I was stupid. **

**26. I said he was mean. **

**27. He called me a communist.**

**28. I called him a conceited, heartless Nazi whom yells at others just to make himself seem more stronger than anyone else. **

**29. He took that as a compliment. **

**30. I tried to eat his hair one time. He asked if I needed medical help. **

**31. I licked his cheek in the middle of a meeting once to try and make him freak out. **

**32. He actually did freak out, too. He jumped up and stood out of his chair and made it clatter to the floor. His face was a dark red, from what I remember. **

**33. Then he said that I was the most creepiest thing ever to be put on the planet and he was going to disinfect his entire body. **

**34. Everyone giggled after that happened. **

**35. I fell asleep against his shoulder during a meeting. He swung his shoulder into the side of my head. It REALLY hurt!**

**36. I gave him a stuffed animal. It was a little blue octopus named Ollie. He threw it at me and said I was ridiculous. I still have it, though. **

**What? It's so cute! (´ ・ω ・`)  
**

**37. I pushed him once on purpose. He told me that if I did it again, he'd eat my cat. **

**38. Come to think of it, I haven't seen Russia-cat in a while.**

**39. When he was walking down the hall, I ran up behind him and jumped on his back, saying, "Piggyback ride!" **

**40. Let's just say that there was a staircase nearby and it didn't end well for the both of us. **

**41. I waited by the doorway of the meeting room for him to walk in. Once he did, I shouted at him to scare him. He screamed girlishly and punched me in the face on "accident". **

**42. I took an onigiri from a crate Japan had brought in one day. I took Germany by surprise by jumping onto his shoulders and putting the onigiri on my head, saying, "Doitsu Roshia Mochi!". He said he had completely no idea what just happened, and he didn't want it to happen ever again.**

**43. He said that Japan should really stop teaching me Japanese. **

**44. I put Ollie on his head during a meeting. He never noticed it and no one ever took him seriously. I couldn't look at him without giggling. Just imagine a big, buff man. Then put a small toy octopus on their head. **

**45. I said he was a jerk in German. He said an entire, I'm guessing rude, long speech to me in full German. I smiled through the whole speech, and all I could respond with was, "What?". **

**46. I called him an Anti-fun Nazi. Prussia found it the most hilarious thing ever. But then Germany called me a fat, imitating communist. **

**47. We had a fight about that. **

**48. Not just yelling fighting, but fist-fighting. **

**49. I don't know who won. **

**50. All I remember is throwing Ollie at him. It hit his serious face with a squeaking sound, like you'd hear with a rubber duck. I don't know why, but I found it so funny. **

**51. I tried to tickle him once. To my dismay, he isn't even ticklish! **

**52. I guess he tried to tickle me back. Only, it hurt more than it tickled. **

**53. I wanted to see how he'd react when I cried in front of him. I buried my face in his chest and faked the crying sound, saying that Prussia and France were saying really mean things about me. **

**54. To my surprise, he wrapped his arms around me. **

**55. Right before he started to crush me on purpose.**

**56. I called him "Doitsu-Kun". (^****ω**^ ≡ ^**ω**^)  


**57. I randomly threw Ollie at him when he was walking down the hall. He ripped him to shreds and then chased me down the hall, shouting curses at me in German.**

**58. I miss Ollie. **

**59. When my hands were cold once, I walked up behind him and put them on his neck. He had a spasm attack.**

**60. No literally, he flailed his arms around and nearly had a heart attack. **

**61. Prussia told me to do something to him that was really weird. **

**I can't quite recall what it was, but I think he told me to step up behind him and whisper in his ear something about becoming one and wurst. **

**62. His face was the most reddest thing I've ever seen once I said it. Then he told me that we'd never speak of this ever again and that I should stop talking to Prussia. **

**63. I poked his eye. **

**64. I poked his other eye. **

**65. He told me I have a very serious problem. **

**66. I hugged him once when he was walking down the hall. **

**67. Once again, there was a staircase nearby. It was no happy ending. **

**68. One time when there was nowhere to sit in the meeting room, I sat on his lap. **

**69. I could never figure out why Prussia, France, and Spain all find the number "69" so funny. **

**70. One time I sat on the edge of the roof of the building. I didn't hear him coming, and he asked, "Why the hell are you sitting up here like that?!"**

**71. He scared me a lot. **

**72. It ended with him holding my arm while I was dangling from the roof top and saving me from sudden death. **

**73. One time, I found him sitting on the edge of the balcony of the building. I put my new octopus doll, the same as Ollie, on his head. **

**74. Let's say that I wasn't "fast enough" to catch him from falling. **

**75. I hate the number seventy-five. **

**76. One time, I took off his jacket. He had a really thick and broad body. **

**77. I was really jealous of him for being more bigger and stronger than me. **

**78. One time, he accidentally called me "Russia-Kun".**

**79. He was so ashamed of himself afterwards. **

**80. I've never stopped teasing him about it since.**

**81. I put Ollie in his chair in the meeting room. His reaction was priceless. **

**82. I drew a mustache on his face when he fell asleep on the couch in the lounge room. **

**83. He blamed Italy for it, and he never even suspected it had been me. **

**84. I asked him what buttsex meant. **

**85. I scribbled all over his work papers with a piece of black chalk. **

**86. He was so mad, that I could actually see the steam coming out of his ears. **

**87. I painted his dog purple. **

**88. I painted Italy purple. **

**89. I painted his house purple. **

**90. I wrote on one of his work papers, "BEWARE OF DE 5 METERS". **

**91. He tried to stab Prussia with a pencil afterwards. **

**92. One time when he was sleeping, I knocked on his window and scared the living daylights out of him. **

**It was at least 10:30 a.m. **

**93. When he was walking by me, I stepped on the table and fell towards him backwards, saying, "Trustfall!" **

**94. The sad thing was that he didn't catch me. **

**95. So I can't trust him anymore. **

**96. I called him a duck. He asked me why. **

**97. I told him that it was because he never stops talking about politics. **

**98. When he was sitting at the meeting room table doing, as usual, paperwork, I ran towards the table, diving onto it and knocking all the papers to the floor. Once my face was right in front of his, I asked, "Whatcha doing?" **

**99. I licked his work papers. Then he was too afraid to touch them. **

**100. He told me that I was his best friend. **

.

.

.

Russia set down the pencil he was writing with. Everything he had written down was true. Even though he's annoyed Germany more times than just a hundred.

He still couldn't believe that Germany had told him that he was his best friend.

...

Well, it was time to go show Germany the list, and annoy him for the a hundred and first time.

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**A/N: Aww, so kuwaii desu. **

**The "Tsun-Tsun" thing, (#8) it means "Tsundere", which is someone that's heartless and cold towards the person they truly love. **

**Oh, and an onigiri is a rice ball, or a rice cake, sometimes, also known as a Mochi. That's why Russia said, "Doitsu Roshia Mochi!" (#42) So basically in Engrish, he said, "Germany Russia Rice-cake!" **

**... I know it's weird, I got it from the Vocaloid song "Len-Kun, Now!" **

**THE FLUFFINESS, YOU CAN'T DENY. **

**NYEEEEHEHHEHE.**


End file.
